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How to become a sought after poet in just 5 minutes (even if you never tried)?

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“Instagram, comme un nez rouge.
Lecture Aigle Books A Million
Et avoir des relations sexuelles avec des hôtels de l’herpès
Saints des Derniers Jours sur le coldplay
Porches sur le chemin de halage.”

Excuse my French! Let me show you how to write one of the most sought after poems like this in just five minutes. And if you really want to stump the ebookworms of the new generation, I teach you how to do it in a language you don’t even speak.

Step 1) Write a sentence.

I’m not kidding. This is the hardest part. This one sentence makes or breaks your career as a poet. Here are the few rules you need to follow: make sure you have verbs, nouns and adjectives in it. If you have no clue what this means, don’t get discouraged! Literacy is so yesterday’s mainstream.

Here’s my example for the sentence:

“I like reading books and having a hot latte on the cold porch.”

Notice how it starts with a capital letter and ends with a period? That’s just because I’m an old school poet. You can express yourself anyway you wish. A guy named E. E. Cummings got famous and he didn’t even know how to capitalize letters. Seriously. Spelling and grammar do not count. Go ahead, have fun. Torture your LA teacher. I you can’t come up with one sentence on your own I would suggest just stealing one from an insurance fine print. Those are classy.

Step 2) Fire up Search Angie.

I don’t mean everything literary. Start your browser, launch the queen of search, Google, and get ready for the creative juice swirling like a spinach peanut butter mix in a Nutribullet powershake. Search Angie will make sure your poem is optimized and every single word is on top its index. Now, take your sentence (the stuff between I and . above) and type the first word in Search Angie.

iDid I tell you to hit enter? Not at all!

Just type in “I”.

Search Angie will show you some of most sought after words/expressions that start with the word you typed in. Pick one. For me,  I pick “Instagram”.

In a notepad I start writing my poem: “Instagram”

Step 3) Continue with each word.

Move on to the next word. In my case, “like“. Pick your own choice from Search Angie. Doesn’t it feel like a juice fruity harvest? I like the “like a red nose”. Why is it sought after? Who knows? Who cares?

likeMy poem just got more exciting: “Instagram like a red nose“. If you want to be fancy pantsy, throw in some ,.;:'”. Whatever. Wherever.

Go on with all the words, break them into lines and here we go, here’s your personalized most sought after poem according to Search Angie:

“Instagram, like a red nose.
Reading eagle books a million
And having sex with herpes hotels
Latter day saints on the coldplay
Porches on the towpath.”

But wait, that’s not it!

Step 4) Did you always want to be a French poet? Throw it into Search Angie’s  Translate tool and, voila. Look where you started, and in five minutes you’ve created a masterpiece in language you don’t even speak.  Remember to post them! You’re already the top target of the crawler of the web.

“I like reading books and having a hot latte on the cold porch.”

“Instagram, comme un nez rouge.
Lecture Aigle Books A Million
Et avoir des relations sexuelles avec des hôtels de l’herpès
Saints des Derniers Jours sur le coldplay
Porches sur le chemin de halage.”

And before you start laughing at what all the crazy people out there search… Remember, Search Angie knows more about yourself than anyone else. (Who else would know you already tried the “do a barrel roll” search 🙂 ) So, those funny things popping you laugh about… That’s all personalized. That’s all about you. Be smart out there, folks! Thanks for reading this.

About the Author olahzsolt@hotmail.com

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